Now The Patch Work I’m Tailored From Is Ripped At The Seams

So 2014 is gone and 2015 is upon us. I'm not going to lie, last year was pretty crap. I spent the majority of it living in some form of bubble of depression or anxiety. I hardly saw anyone, I hardly did anything. There we so many things I wanted to do but a lot of the time I couldn't bring myself to, so I sat at home and most of the time I did nothing at home too.

I don't want 2015 to be like 2014. I want to achieve something this year. I want to get to the 31st December and think "wow, I did all this this year." Not, "One year down, an undefined number to go."

The past week I was supposed to be reflecting on what I wanted to do with my year. That week has been spent sneezing, coughing and generally feeling sorry for myself with whatever flu/bug/virus I appear to have contracted this time. I wanting to be healthy is a thing though, so there's that.

I don't want to call what I want to do resoultions. The word resolution means that within about 5 days I will break them undoubtedly. The goals I have in mind are going to be general. not too specific because if I read back on this this time next year and realise I haven't lost exactly x amount of pounds to be the exact weight I was before I got married then I'll be upset. So here are my general, non-specific non-resolutions.

1. Lose Weight - This shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone who knows me. I started last year to lose weight but comfort eating very very quickly came into effect and I probably gained instead of lost. But I want to be comfortably thinner than I am now. I have got a pair of trousers and a dress I bought this time last year I would like to get into, so lets aim for that instead of a number :)

2. Read more - Something those that know me or anyone who has had any vague conversation with me will know that I love books. I love reading books. Last year I read 35 books. I have previously managed to read 52 in a year so I would love to get back up to that level. I know depending on my mood this may or may not be achievable. But I'm going to try, that's all I can do, right?

3. Do more - Don't think I can get more vague and general than that goal. But I don't want to find I'm sat twiddling my thumbs this year. If I have spare time I want to be doing something. If I find that I'm wallowing or stressing about something out of control. I'm going for a walk. If the weather is nice I'll take a book and iPod and distract myself elsewhere. I want to craft, I want to write, I want to read, I want to be outside. I want to combat the feelings I've had over a year of total helplessness.

4. Spend less time online - There will be times when this will not come into affect, doing NaNoWriMo in November for example when I surround myself with crazy folk from Birmingham and invaders from the Switzerland Chat because it's actually helpful. Day to day though, I don't need to be online anywhere near as much as I am. So I am going to limit my online time greatly. Maybe rely on it less so I can actually go out to supermarkets and things, as nice as delivery is. The extra excercise wouldn't hurt either.

5. Exercise - I don't currently exercise beyond going to work and coming back from work. Ideally I would like to take up running at somepoint, but in my current state that would be too much weight for my poor joints to handle so I'll start with walking before I do anything too vigorous. I wouldn't mind taking up other things but I'll have to see what time I have.

6. Be happy - It doesn't sound hard but Gods has it been. I want to be happier with myself, with my life, and if action needs to be taken then I need to be not afraid to take it. I don't know if I have that confidence but I will need to find it.

7. Embrace my Spirituality - Something else that has suffered because of anxiety and depression this past year or so. This time last year I told myself I was going to practice more and I did nothing. I have books and course books that I want to work through this year, I want to know myself and know what it is I believe, I know it waxes and wanes naturally but I want to work towards something with my spirituality and if I know myself better just a fraction by next Christmas, then that's a win for me.

8. Try new things - I want to move outside of my comfort zome in some places, I want to try new crafts I want to volunteer for things I wouldn't normally volunteer for. I might not start this month or even next but I want to be able to say I've done something new and exciting by the end of next year, although unless involves me getting vast quantaties of money it is unlikely to involve heights.

So that's what I am working towards this year, I don't think I'll achieve all of them but if I can achieve something towards all of them then I'll be happy.

If I could just get rid of this sodding flu...