"When All We Do Is Run Around In Circles"

This is a "pre-new year goals" blog. A full blow by blow review of 2017 will come soon, if I can even remember everything that I did. This past year has been huge and mega busy!

What I want to write about here and now is something that I have done int he past albeit temporarily. I do it for a week and go "yay, go me, look what I've done!" before ending stuck in the same routines I was in before. Inevitably another break will happen and then I am back to where I as before. Rinse, repeat.

I am, of course, talking about the deep dark recesses of the internet called Social Media. In particular, but not restricted to, Facebook.

So what's the problem with Facebook, or indeed Social Media in general?

Firstly, comparison. I sit and compare every aspect of my life to those of everyone else around me. People who are constantly off on holiday when I can count the times I have left the country in my life on one hand. The people with the perfect homes, the perfect bodies. The ones who run marathons, the ones who live thier lives through these carefully constructed photographs that make their lives look 500% more spiritual than me or 500% more exciting.

Then there's the dark side. There's the stories you get bombarded with, the animal abuse images, the child abuse images. Your view points get pounced on when anyone is given any vague opportunity to do so, because they are less important than theirs, my opinions are considered wrong. There are those who post one view point then turn hypocritical in the next. From sad people to sad chickens, it's unending and it's miserable.

The politics, the constant bombardment of information from this country, from America, from small backwaters in Africa you've never heard of, and you're to feel sorry for ever goddamn thing and person and cause on the planet. You've to hate Trump and hate May, or hate Corbyn and hate the "fucking lefties" because no good will ever come of the planet with them in charge.

There are expectations that you will be a certain person, that you should be a certain person. We seek constant approval in our actions and I am no different. From rearranging half of my kitchen to take a picture of a plate of cake or taking 15 selfies to find one that looks half decent to show something I'm wearing, or my new hair colour. Trying to find the side of me that would be half viewed as acceptable.

We seek constant validation that our lives are worth living through likes and emoticons. We sit waiting for comments on that witty status we sat writing for 15 minutes, rewording every little bit so it doesn't come across as too "wrong".

I waste so much time sat there refrehing Facebook, trawlling through my news feed looking for something new to read because it's all out of order. I watch one video, then sit and watch another 6 of some new bullshit Buzzfeed has decided to turn into a major issue in life, followed by another two rants by Russell Howard and a final "Send to All" by Michael McIntyre. Then the evening is gone, wasted. The evening where I was going to sit and finish my book again, where I was going to do that load of washing, wrap those last few Christmas presents, write those cards, spend time doing something that I really want to do. Gone in just a few "minutes" of procrastination.

Facebook and Social Media makes me feel like a zombie, it is not good for me, I don't feel that social media is actually good for anyone.

Daisy Ridley came out recently saying that she deleted her social media in September 2016 and hasn't looked back. This was partly due to the pressure that social media creates. Posting all the time, portraying this perfect sort of life that may or may not exist (lets be honest, life is messy, who really has a perfect life).

All we do is run around in circles, vicious vicious circles of the same shit, day in and day out. Funny cat videos, petitions for another animal abuse thing, another video of refugees from Syria our government is failing, another sleezy dig at women, another stupid quiz, another misquoted dead guy, another fake smile in a selfie because you're feeling "pretty".

I am done running in circles.

As of 1st January 2018 I am deactivating Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and deleting the apps from my phone. I will still have my messenger apps, so if you want me I'll be there.

I'm important. I am the most important thing in my life, because without me, my life wouldn't be mine. My life presently is full of stress, it is full of anxiety and I have periods of darkness where I don't think I will ever see the light. Facebook fuels all of these things. There are moments of light on there, I will admit that. But they are hard to see, and often they're not there at all. It's a distraction from my life that does not serve me.

In 2018 I turn 30. 2018 is going to be the year for me. Facebook is just the first step.